The Case of Jack James Jonah Versus God

The Case of Jack James Jonah Versus God

Excerpt from a newspaper:

Today, April 27, 1982, the renowned author Jack James Jonah, who often wrote under the pen name of Voyager duPense, after being shot in the brain, left parietal lobe, by a deluded but concerned citizen (“for the minds of my children”) died in New York City Hospital. His death will be mourned by many people throughout the world as his words dealt with the entire human race and society and the latter’s reformation and education…

I was an apprentice clerk in the law offices of Peter and Paul, prosecuting attorneys for the Celestial Supreme Court. I was their representative delivering a subpoena for the arrest of Soul Jack James Jonah. Accompanied by his defense attorney, Soul Satan, First assistant to God, I traveled down to earth and inspired the shooting mentioned above. During our ascent to the court, news of the article reached us and I heard Jonah and the great Satan speaking.

Soul Jonah said, “It’s and excellently written article, the style is complex, at points difficult to follow but always understandable by some person; some of the masses will be able to comprehend, totally, what he is saying and the educated will be confused at the praise. All in all and excellent work.”

“We know you enjoyed writing like that Jonah,” replied Satan, “that’s why we have to bring you in front of the Supreme Court. God just can’t decide what to do with you! Peter, Paul and even Mary say you should be punished for purposefully deceiving people and believing it to be in the best of intensions.”

“Well, all I was doing was trying to help people to attain a higher level of understanding and my style was a part of that. I am innocent!”

“Take my advice Jonah, never say ‘innocent’ in court, let alone in soul society. Anyway, we’re almost at court. Remember, leave everything to me.”

And so we arrived at the Celestial Supreme Court. The honorable God presiding.

God said, “Can we get on with it please, I’ve got a date next spring and its already fall since he died.”

The bailiff was about to recite his introductions when God interrupted, “I know all that! Let’s get on with it! Prosecutors, call your first witness.”

Paul rose and said, “I thank you, your honor, since it is my turn to sit in Peter’s chair, I will allow him to take the case.”

So the greatest soul that ever lived on earth, the mightiest man to seek fulfillment, so the soul of Peter ascended and spoke, “Uh, heh, Well now, uh, well, if your honor will allow, I would like to ah call ah, um, gee…”

God interrupted the great man. “Peter, sit down. Paul I command you to take over!”

Paul did take over and called Jonah’s father, Soul Timothy of the Timeyes. Paul began, “Now, Soul Timeyes, can you tell the court of the childhood of the soul you see next to Satan- Soul Jonah.”

Soul Timeyes was a white, petit, colorless soul and in his speech told why: “Me lord, me an’ the misses, we was just enjoyin’ ourselves when you done condemned us with this young’un. He awould git lost every time wese look around; why once he done slept in a bird cage for two nights. Now, we’un couldn’t figger this so’am we let him do wha’ he want. Un day, he dun begun paintin’ the wall-now our other kids, well they used to write on um but none a’ ‘em done painted it! Well any ways we took ‘im to a head doctor. He looks around Jameses head and finds a living hole in da back. Ye know wha’, all de sudden dat dum kim painted da doc’s office!- and no paint on his hands- and no canz of paint fer to hold de paint! Ye can believe I whooped em fer dat. After’n dat whoopin’ he dun settle down and grown up. Boy, I can tell ya, he dun run me an’ da misses ragged!”

This was all that Paul wanted so he thanked the gentleman and allowed Satan to ask questions. And Satan had a great many questions, and God asked him to go ahead (and if he wanted to play tennis Sunday).

Satan spoke,”Soul Timeyes, wee you ever beaten by your father?”

Timeyes responded, “Yes, sir, my boones dun get whooped a lot.”

Satan asked, “How did you feel after he ‘whooped’ you?”

“Well, I was angry.”

“Did you hate your father?”

“Well, no”

God stopped him there and said, “Soul Timeyes, you can not lie in this court. We have it on excellent authority, my good friend Frued, that you did hate your father after he beat you and every night felt sick because he was with her.”

Timeyes responded, “I didn’ hate my father, by God. It was his dang duty to beat me!”

Satan came to the sinking Timeyes rescue, “Lord God, let him go on this account-it is a Monday you know.”

“Well, okay; if you say so, old boy.”

Satan continued his questioning, “Soul Timeyes, you say it was your father’s duty to beat you; was it therefore, your duty to beat Jonah?… Let it be noted on the record that the witness nods in agreement.” Suddenly, Satan erupted, “Mr. Timeyes! Did it ever occur to you that this son may have been the most creative of your children! And when he expressed that ability by painting an office without paint, without paint! You, you imbecile ‘whooped’ him into submission! No wonder that this poor Jonah grew up to write deceitfully, Because of you, yes you. Mr. Timeyes, the world is deprived of his magnificent talent. You told him his honest expression is wrong, you repressed his talent and so he repressed in his writing! No further questions G.D.”

God sneered at Timeyes as he stepped down and then continued the case, “Any more witnesses Paul?”

Paul was ready, “Your Godishness, unlike our good friend Satan implies, no man can influence the creative ability of a great man, thus we must conclude that Soul Jonah is responsible for his own works, having settled that, I would like to call, as witness Voyager du Pense.”

This was shocking, Paul was calling up a non-God creation, no one could expect anything from a fictitious character, In a similar trial for another writer, a character called Billy Budd was called up to testify for Soul Herman Meville. Budd was an excellent witness and explained that logic of Melville, but he spoke in Melville’s style and God, Peter, Paul, and even Satan were thoroughly convinced that Melville used his style to deceive the non-educated; overwhelm the semi-educated, and win over the supra-educated; the charge was made-creating a non understandable work with intent to do malice- Melville was condemned to the worst punishment available.

The week being over, and all the souls present at the trial completely baffled, Satan asked, and was granted, by God, a recess.

The next week the trial continued. After conjuring up Voyager du Pense, Paul began.”Monsieur du Pense, can you tell us of your greatest adventure?”

M. du Pense thought for a while the spoke.”My greatest adventure must be my analysis of my creator’s life; if you will allow, I do not mean his life but his ancestry. It began with; it is a long story…”

God was quick to say, “Well just gives us the highlights, we don’t have eternity you know.”

“If you wish, your honor,” continued du Pense, “There are five of his father’s I would like to mention: Sophocles, Dante, Shakespeare, Melville, and Camus…”

The list was amazing! Each and all of these men were once before the same court; and only two had escaped the supreme punishment: Sophocles because he wrote to the common in the vulgar tongue and Camus because he cared nothing of the decision. Some say that Melville was an incarnation of Shakespeare who was an incarnation of Dante! Imagine the shock we had when they were brought up again.

Du Pense continued, “My creator was a superfluous, excellent mixture of these, his character types came from Sophocles, he took lengthy plots from Dante, uncountable allusions from Shakespeare, he used Melville’s masterful style, and finally Camus’ simplicity.”

Another shock wave was felt in the court room, even Paul had to catch his breath. Whispers could be heard, “atrocious, disgusting…snot headed, pathetic creature!” they were saying. God had to call order in the court.

He said, “I know we are all astonished by this thing’s testimony, and we are shocked that such a combination could be made, but we must, and you will grin and bear it.”

We all swallowed our disgust and waited for Du Pense to continue.

“In the plot, which my creator had me go through, one of extreme length, he was proud to state in the seventy-five page preface that it was longer than the combined Old. New, and Renewed Testament, I would go through the lives of all of his predecessors, from Moses to Camus and then through his own life and make conclusions along the way- all of it, of course, in his great grand uncle, H.G. Wells’ time ship…”

“Just the highlight, M. duPense.” Said God

“Sorry sir.” He replied, “Well, I remember meeting Sophocles…”

“That will be all, M. du Pense,” said Paul, thus saving us from that disgusting style. “Your witness, Satan.” Concluded Paul.

Soul Satan was thinking full speed. Electric charge accumulated and discharged from his horns, his trident was aflame with resistance; and then the whole of Satan relaxed, and he asked, “How long have you known the defendant?”

“Since he began the crime of writing,”

“The soul is not guilty til so proven Mister du Pense.”

“He certainly is you see…”

“Do you think that a creation can understand its creator?” interposed Satan.

“That was another one of my adventures where I, though…”

God interrupted, “Give it up Satan, you’ve met your match.”

He replied, “Yes, my lord.”

Paul then told the court that he neither had nor had any need for further evidence. It was Satan’s turn.

“Your honor, the defense would like to call Soul Jack James Jonah’s wife, Eve of the good house of Fidelity.”

God delivered the expected speech, “Soul Satan, you know how difficult it is to bring up somebody who is still alive; thus I’ll have to ask you to reconsider.”

Satan was enraged, “Your honor, the soul, the life even, of a man is at question, we must call her up if only for the sake of justice! In your name, in your own conscience, can you condemn a man you know is not even aware of his fate!”

God, tired and weary, surrendered, “All right, all right Satan, get her.”

And so she was brought to the Celestial Supreme Court, Satan began, “Now Eve, do you love your husband?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Well, can you tell the court why?”

“Well, sir, he is the most honest, most handsome, most loving husband a wife could have. You know I asked him what a sentence of his meant. And he told me, oh what a darling. ‘Don’t worry your pretty little head about it, dear.’ Another time I asked how I could get better than I was, he told me to leave everything to him.” She sighed and was lost in her dream world.

Satan took over, “Such a man as to take the responsibility of others was also crucified by the people he tried to enlighten, my lord. No further questions.”

Paul was on his feet, “Eve, do you remember that sentence you couldn’t understand?”

“Oh, no I don’t sir.”

“Would you, if you heard it again?”

“I do believe I would.”

“Then see if this is it; ‘It was a drab, dark, misty night when I had a run in with the dead blind, ogish man, a phantom, a phantasmagoric, supercilious, brethren of mine lay, cold as a gutter rat of the rattae mammillae species, in the solemn, over cool, vicious night of bewitched darkness, in which Pluto, King of Hades, would not dare to even think, to use that gift that Athena had bestowed upon us, of coming into.’”

“Why yes, I do believe it is!”

We were amazed, there was no doubt of the verdict.

“No further questions, God.” Ended Paul.

Satan was at Trident’s end. He called the Soul Jack James Jonah.

Jonah had kept silent throughout the proceedings, now he would try to redeem himself.

“Jonah, why do you write as you do?”

“Well, Mr. Satan, as my pen name said, I had adapted myself to the writings of great authors-one he didn’t mention was Steinbeck, who was instrumental in my plots and style. When I had trouble understanding these great writers, I thought that writing was for the supra-educated and the under-educated really didn’t mean mush so, I just wrote as complex as…”

Satan himself was shocked, the soul admitted to his crime, in the presence of God! Satan shouted, “Stop! Your honor, please no further questions.”

God asked Paul and Peter if they had any questions, but both smiled and said no.

God recessed the hearing, “Next week, gentlemen, you will give final arguments; it’s really a tough case. I hope that you will clarify things next week. I also hope you consider the seriousness of the case and meet me on the tennis court Saturday; we’ll hit a few humans around. Court’s adjourned.”

And so we come to today. Satan had been arguing for about twenty hours and is just surmising:

“At last we come to the final decision, and the final question: Is this soul to be condemned for a crime he had no idea he committed! Yes, he wrote to simply write over the heads of people, but this is a natural tendency of his race. It his through no fault of his, his heritage condemned him to write as he does. He is, in fact, an addict; an addict to complexity, he suffers a fever, which orders him to write beyond the comprehension of men, he is your common writer! Certainly he tries to out-write the brains of men, that is his duty, his moral obligation to his species! If not for him there would be people completely self-satisfied, there would be no discontentedness. How dare we, the content, condemn them to our fates! This man kept them in their place!! He should not be condemned but rewarded for his excellent, confusing writing ability! No! Not just him but all writers should be thusly, equally rewarded for the confusion they cause! Melville should not have been condemned, he should be praised amongst the greatest of minds, of master confusers!…Thankyou.”

God, now in a hurry because his date, whom he called Gypsy Rose, had just walked in, asked Paul to make his statement brief. And so Paul gave his arguments as God watched Gypsy.

“My esteemed colleague has an extraordinary ability to shift facts of truth to facts of falsehood. Take for example his statement that Jonah was self-sacrificed enough not to explain the meaning of a sentence to his wife. Furthermore, he declares the man a hero! I deny it! The man purposefully, knowingly, led millions of people to confusion- to the ultimate loss of personality. He and his like engross thereby by ridiculing the very humanity of man! What right do writers have to suppress, to clutter the minds of people with their own ignorance. I may condemn this man to…”

“Thank you Paul,” interrupted an impatient God, “you’ve said tha one sentence you need… Now, Soul Jack James Jonah, do you have anything to say?”

“I, … I am innocent.”

Satan yelled, the rest of us laughed to high heaven, we couldn’t handle the foolishness of the statement. Satan sat shaking his head.

After a second or so God called us to order, he had decided.

“Soul Jack James Jonah, by decision of me, you are found guilty of the purposeful confusion and thereby perversion of the minds of the vulgar. What punishment do you feel fits your situation?”

“Your honor, I am a simple, though my writings, as you have decided, may be complex, only because they are the best styles, do I now stand condemned, as though I were not a hung man, merely dangling, I have the fascinating choice between fall and deceasement, a choice which I am sure Voyager du Pense would be interested in…”

“Since you will punish yourself, I’ll do it. You are condemned to ten lives as a writer and expert on Herman Melville.”

“No, please, God, no! Not Herman Melville, please any other person, please…”

“Furthermore, you will share a cell with Soul John Steinbeck as he discourses about his books. Court is adjourned.”

So the case finally did end. Like Melville, Jonah lost- he sat there crying for help from his fate-one almost equal to Melville. One could almost say Moby Dick liked neither of the two. Let this be a warning to all writers, when Satan’s your attorney, your ‘devil’s advocate’, be ready to act simple.

“Clerk.”

“Yes, Soul Satan?”

“Your case is next, let’s go.”